So very rude.

I aim to be a friendly person. Now this is hard because I swear I suffer from a mild form of autism or some level of social anxiety. I find it very hard to speak to new people. When I do it's often strained, may feel false and most likely accompanied by a fake smile too. This is not meant to put people off. It's that for some reason in my head, social interaction is too much for me. This can apply to people I know too. I have a strange level of awkwardness in my social endeavours. However there are times I am massively outgoing and will speak to strangers. Whatever the outcome is, it's usually connected to my mood or feelings about myself. 

I am a very complex human. But aren't we all. 

This often makes it hard for people to actually like me. And therefore the endless cycle happens. I get paranoid that they don't like me, my social awkwardness deepens and I avoid contact. 

But there's one thing I'm not. And that's rude. I will never speak out of turn.Will  always apologise profusely for something that I've done even if it wasn't caused by me. Or, if it is caused by me, I will most entirely regret it and will mull it over for many days, months or even years. Even when I'm deeply happy, I get plagued by feelings of guilt because I have done something wrong in a past time that's often very unrelated to what's happened currently. 

See - emotionally fucked. 

So tonight when I get a Skype message from an ex saying "I've got a friend coming over in half an hour. I'm really not in a social mood", I sit there stunned. 

a) I've not spoken to you at all to require this response. 

And b) if you're not at all in a social mood, why the fuck are you on Skype in the first place?! 

My response was just:

"? I haven't even spoken". 

Then about 15 minutes later after seeking confirmation from a friend:

"You're just being unnecessarily rude". 

It is possible that he received a message from a previous convo as he logged on tonight. But then surely any numbskull with half a brain would be able to realise this was not a current conversation.  And it's hardly believable that he has not been on it since the last conversation. 

This is just him being incredibly rude and for no ruddy reason!! Making someone feel shit without any cause. It's just evil. Especially when it's something that I will then mull over and feel some sort of misplaced guilt over it. 

Perhaps I'm not the only one psychologically fucked! 

I'm yet to get a response. But I hope I don't get one. Good riddance.