Never a true word spoken.

"There is pleaasure in the pathless woods;

There is a rapture on the lonely shore;

There is society, where no one intrudes,

By the deep sea, and music in its roar:

I love not man the less, but Nature more"

- Lord Byron. 

"If you let the midgets stand on the banks of giants, you'll never see the mountain for the molehill"

-me-

"I spend most of my time wishing it to pass over quickly that I'm wishing away life.  But I'm wishing it away for the time I most care about."

- me

"I was certain that everything I had imagined to be truth was false. False. Only the magic and the dream are true-all the rest's a lie."

Rochester-Wide Sargasso Sea

"We all have to make our decisions...that's the easy bit.  The hard part is we have to live with them"

A Dark Redemption

Stav Sherez 

This Be the Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad. 

They may not mean to, but they do. 

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178055

A very cynical view you may think, penned by a man plagued with pessimism about the world. But just sit and contemplate it for a moment.

Reading back over my blog the last few days I can't help but sigh and think I'm a moody, grumpy and bitter person for such a young life. I'm so young and have so many things to explore, to experience, to live, to feel and all I can do is moan.

I look at other people laughing and smiling in the street and wish I was that person that I was not so many moons ago. The girl who cracked up with laughter and every little thing, that would smile in the street at some secret musings. But now I'm some cold shell that seems all shriveled up and black inside. That I look at the world and think things bad foremost, that doesn't trust no longer, or think of the brighter side of life. I have in essence aged 50 years in the two that I have evolved into this monster.

And I wonder how this came to pass. And all I have in my head is those words 'They f**k you up, your mum and dad' and I just can't get rid of them. I'm the young girl who was repressed from friendship, from enjoying sleep overs, parties, and going out. I'm the teenager that wasn't brought up to be who I wanted to be, instead I sat and read and educated myself following the path that my parents had carved out in their mind. I went to the University they wanted, I stayed in the same region they wanted, I didn't go out and do reckless stuff like they wanted, I didn't have the friends that they didn't want me to have. And now as a adult, I'm trying to get on to the career that they wanted, I'm staying where they want me, I'm doing as they say and I'm not having the life that they didn't want me to have.

And I hate it.

I end up leading a double life, of lies and betrayal. I'm not what they created me to be, but am what they tried to repress from me. The only difference being that I don't tell them.

And now I'm sat hating them, hating them for turning me into something devious, for keeping me trapped in a dead end town in a dead end place with dead end people. But I'm their perfect daughter. Well, when they remember I'm their daughter. I'm their porcelain doll, their china doll with rosy cheeks that has the same look preserved on it's face. I'm their Peter Pan. I do not grow old, I'm forever young and forever wrapped in bubble wrap.

And that line keeps going through my head 'They f**k you up your mum and dad'. And I think of their mam and dad in return, and those before and I think this is it, this is my past, present and future. And it's the generations that have passed and those that will be. Time is moving and equally standing still.

I really do hate it.

Someone has to get me out of this soon somehow...



Edit: Interesting article on this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18367053

"There are three kinds of love:

'Love' that takes 2 months to get over;

'Big Love' that takes 2 years to get over;

'Great Love' that changes your life.

Which one are you?"

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (2004) [DVD] 

"The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and to be loved in return"

Moulin Rouge 

Listen and be moved...

Beautiful words for a game trailer.

"Hurt people hurt people"

Greenberg [DVD] 

"If you don't love your body, change your mind; if your partner doesn't love your body, change your partner"

The Joy of Sex. S. Quilliam. 

"But suddenly, and without my knowing how, there stirs within me again a tiny measure that smells faintly of love.  Warily, I start to walk amongst it, like walking through pain, delicately, not wanting to wake it.  Then it disappears again, before I can even realise what this awakening of love has meant: its taste has already left me, like the almond blossom petals that stay so briefly on the branches.  Thus everything becomes equal again in the darkness of existence, where only pain grows, and my own distance from love."

We Are All Equally Far From Love, A. Shibli. 

Pg 146

Shibli, A. (2012). We are all equally far from love. Clockroot Books, Northampton, Massachusetts.
Translated by Paul Starkey.

"...because it hurts, when you have been dead, to come alive..."

Good Morning, Midnight. Jean Rhys.

Rhys. J. (1939). Good Morning, Midnight. Penguin.

"...what makes life strange is that they are forgotten. Even the one moment that you thought was your eternity fades out and is forgotten and dies.  This is what makes life so droll - the way you forget, and every day is a new day, and there's hope for everybody, hooray..."

Good Morning, Midnight . Jean Rhys.

Rhys, J. (1939). Good Morning, Midnight. Penguin.

"You're not too old.  But you've got to where you're afraid to be young."

Good Morning, Midnight. Jean Rhys.

Rhys, J. (1939). Good Morning, Midnight. Penguin.