Once in a life time.

It's very easy in life to get bogged down by the stresses, pains and labours of life.  All this week I've been exasperated by one thing after another.  First it was coming down with the flu.  Secondly, it was frustration that two weeks of experience was simply not enough to get a feel for everything in the school and certainly not enough to finish my 50page work booklet.  Then it was the stressful realisation that finally I have a whole blissful week of not having to do anything only to find out I've been asked to sign my summer away at another job.  Then it was the feeling that all the preparation work I wanted to do by September won't be getting done.  Followed by the crippling realisation that I can't actually relax and do nothing.  Instead I get up, grab a textbook and get reading, or I drag myself into my work clothes and go to work, or I go out and socialise with whatever last fibre of my being that can stand up. 

Happy.

But then it floods back to me.  I am lucky.  I am lucky to be alive and (sort of) healthy.  I'm not being helped back in any respect (apart from my parents) I'm still (kinda) young and my whole life is spread out in front of me.  My dream from the age of 6 (well along with being an author (which still could come true) and a children's presenter (pretty much there with the teaching)) was to become an English teacher and I'm about to embark on a career that is teaching with the ultimate goal of becoming an English teacher.  I always said I would never have an office job, and whilst I have had those jobs, I am going to have a varied and exciting career.  I welcome the idea of pressure and the set backs I'm going to get and the ability to challenge myself.

I may not have had the opportunity to climb mountains, go travelling, do charity work or anything else that is meant to help you reach self-actualisation but I kinda feel I'm already there.

I can look at my life and say I have been loved and I have been in love, that I got lots of grass stains rolling around the grass under the summer sky, that I was reckless and I was dangerous.  That I did my bit of rebellion and that I've stood up for myself and others when needed.  I've achieved things I never thought was possible and lived passed a point that I never imagined would come.  I've met celebrities (okay, Derren Brown, Terry Deary and Susan Gates...and a swimmer that I can't even remember his name of), I've seen my share of cheesy celebrities, I've shaken the hand of Bill Bryson at my graduation and when he said well done to me, my voice rang out saying 'I know!'.  I've been moved by seeing the greater things of life and the worse things of life.  I've come through battles with my self and been victorious.  I've dealt with demons and left them behind.  I'm proud to be who I am, where I am and what I am and for once I'm proud to be alive.

I shouldn't complain and I shouldn't moan, but I do because I lose sight of what I've got.  But right now I'm pretty happy and I hope that never comes down.

And what made me have this little epiphany?  Being handed an Olympic Torch.  A once in a life time to hold something that Britain can be proud of.  Okay, it was unlit and the 20-something kids also had a hold, but it was what the torch actually stood for that made me have this realisation.  Something which 8000 people each have had the opportunity to lift up and show that they're also proud and they should be.  8000 people who have contributed to society and gone to lengths physically, mentally, pushing their own boundaries and creating new ones for others.  I had to stop myself from shedding a tear thinking about it whilst holding it.  It was a great opportunity and something to tell the grandchildren as they say.  I am proud to be part of this world right now and I hope that never ends.