They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you
A very cynical view you may think, penned by a man plagued with pessimism about the world. But just sit and contemplate it for a moment.
Reading back over my blog the last few days I can't help but sigh and think I'm a moody, grumpy and bitter person for such a young life. I'm so young and have so many things to explore, to experience, to live, to feel and all I can do is moan.
I look at other people laughing and smiling in the street and wish I was that person that I was not so many moons ago. The girl who cracked up with laughter and every little thing, that would smile in the street at some secret musings. But now I'm some cold shell that seems all shriveled up and black inside. That I look at the world and think things bad foremost, that doesn't trust no longer, or think of the brighter side of life. I have in essence aged 50 years in the two that I have evolved into this monster.
And I wonder how this came to pass. And all I have in my head is those words 'They f**k you up, your mum and dad' and I just can't get rid of them. I'm the young girl who was repressed from friendship, from enjoying sleep overs, parties, and going out. I'm the teenager that wasn't brought up to be who I wanted to be, instead I sat and read and educated myself following the path that my parents had carved out in their mind. I went to the University they wanted, I stayed in the same region they wanted, I didn't go out and do reckless stuff like they wanted, I didn't have the friends that they didn't want me to have. And now as a adult, I'm trying to get on to the career that they wanted, I'm staying where they want me, I'm doing as they say and I'm not having the life that they didn't want me to have.
And I hate it.
I end up leading a double life, of lies and betrayal. I'm not what they created me to be, but am what they tried to repress from me. The only difference being that I don't tell them.
And now I'm sat hating them, hating them for turning me into something devious, for keeping me trapped in a dead end town in a dead end place with dead end people. But I'm their perfect daughter. Well, when they remember I'm their daughter. I'm their porcelain doll, their china doll with rosy cheeks that has the same look preserved on it's face. I'm their Peter Pan. I do not grow old, I'm forever young and forever wrapped in bubble wrap.
And that line keeps going through my head 'They f**k you up your mum and dad'. And I think of their mam and dad in return, and those before and I think this is it, this is my past, present and future. And it's the generations that have passed and those that will be. Time is moving and equally standing still.
I end up leading a double life, of lies and betrayal. I'm not what they created me to be, but am what they tried to repress from me. The only difference being that I don't tell them.
And now I'm sat hating them, hating them for turning me into something devious, for keeping me trapped in a dead end town in a dead end place with dead end people. But I'm their perfect daughter. Well, when they remember I'm their daughter. I'm their porcelain doll, their china doll with rosy cheeks that has the same look preserved on it's face. I'm their Peter Pan. I do not grow old, I'm forever young and forever wrapped in bubble wrap.
And that line keeps going through my head 'They f**k you up your mum and dad'. And I think of their mam and dad in return, and those before and I think this is it, this is my past, present and future. And it's the generations that have passed and those that will be. Time is moving and equally standing still.
I really do hate it.
Someone has to get me out of this soon somehow...
Edit: Interesting article on this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18367053
Someone has to get me out of this soon somehow...
Edit: Interesting article on this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18367053
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