I finally told my parents that I have a boyfriend.
I started this blog in the hopes that it would follow me from graduation to settling down in life and my biggest hurdle was going to be my parents. And finally I've cleared the jump!
All of this week has been a scorcher, beautiful clear blue skies and hot weather to boot and so I spent my rare two days off basking in the sunshine and getting far too many burns from the sun's rays. But I was also battling a burning problem of my own. I'd told my parents I wouldn't be coming home on Friday but stopping through Durham, and I thought this time, this time I will tell them exactly where I'm stopping. But the conversation was sidetracked and I was given permission to stay out (yeah, I know...permission...*rolls eyes*) without too much details of what I was doing that night. So I started thinking - I have to tell them, I have to be fair, and I want to tell them so I can start leading the free life I want without having to cover my back in case they plain out reject me. This was coupled with the persuasion of travelling down to the South for some weeks (which I really wanted to do but couldn't without running it by my parents who would have been rather suspicious...) as well as a number of adults I'd confided in who thought it was imperative I told them. I mean how bad could it be?
So on Wednesday, every time I'd managed to corner my mother, make her in a good mood, and had a view to tell her, I started hyperventilating. I couldn't get the words out, my breathing picked up, and I felt like I was going to pass out. So with the aid of sunglasses I managed to cover up my anxiety and it went unnoticed. However, by Thursday my internal dialogue was shouting at me to do something. And so what if they kicked me out? So what if they forbid me to see him. I could live with a mate who has a spare room. So with this I set out to tell them.
The church clock struck 4pm. The sun beat down. My dad was nowhere to be seen. We were sitting in the middle of our back garden, there was nothing that possibly could go wrong. So I spoke...but what came out was me asking about the book she was reading. And thus 10mins ensued of me not really listening to what she was babbling about but privately chiding myself. So as she grew quiet again I watched her under the cover of my dark shades, and willed myself to just say it. And so my mouth went into overdrive, forming the words but yet no sound. How was I going to do this?!
Within a few minutes I'd come to an agreement - when I have bad news to tell I distance myself from it and make myself feel like I'm in some outta body experience. I'm not the one that cares about the situation, I'm merely a passer by that observes the situation completely by chance. So I tuned out and engaged my voice. And so it came out.
MamcanItellyousomethingIhaveaboyfriend.
One long garbled sentence.
But my mam rose from her dreamy stupor and said 'Good for you, is it someone I know?'. And I was struck. I expected total silence before a 'Think you need to see your father' as has happened before in this type of scenario. So I whispered 'No.
Mother: Where does he live?
Me: Durham
Mother: A student?
Me: Yes
Mother: Well with any luck he'll be graduating soon.
Me: Next year, four year course. Maths.
Mother: Maths?! You'll have nothing in common. Surely he'll be going back home, he doesn't live here.
Me: Essex. But he might do a PhD
Mother: You can't marry another (not sure what she meant by another :S) Essex man. *Brief silence* Does he have an abacus in his attic?
Me: No.
Mother: *Silence*
And that was it. 15 minutes of silence and my mother gets back up. She babbles that she'll have to put the tea on, despite my brother not returning for another 45mins, and asks me what I want in a repetitive nature 'Do you want them potato things? I'll put the potato things on'. And this is when I thought she'd lost it. She followed this with 'will have to do them seeds later on and will need to clean the house up. Yes, ought to clean the house. Where's your dad? I'm going to go find him'. And leaving me bewildered, she gets up and goes in. And I'm left sat there thinking 'OMG' as my soul slides back into my body and the realisation of what I'd done hit like running into a brick wall.
When I finally got my wits together, I re-entered the house to find them talking on the couches - highly unusual for this time of day so I creep upstairs. Twenty minutes later I'm called down to get my fruit. When my mam stops me on the stairs and goes 'You not going to tell your dad the news?' I died a little. Right there with my right foot hovering mid-step holding the bowl of fruit. And I shake my head. And she goes, 'Dad get in the same room as her'. So buoyed on by my boyfriend's comments moments beforehand I have the phrase 'I've done nothing wrong, let them hit me with the backlash' in my mind and I open my mouth, face my dad, move closer to him and say in a really defiant voice bordering on anger 'I HAVE A BOYFRIEND' and he goes, with rehearsed practice 'Well done son'. And my mam says 'He's from Essex' and he goes 'that's where all our family come from'. So I add 'and does maths' knowing this to be a thing he'd admire considering my lacking in that department. And my dad goes 'And a geek! Well done son' and he walks away.
Nothing else is said on the matter. And what's more they let me stay around the said boyfriend with not another word about the matter.
And I'm left thinking - there must be more to it. There always is with them. They seem to be letting me be independent and lack of suffocating unlike usual but still there is some kind of odd resistance in their behaviour. I may be paranoid but I wonder if they'll eventually say something negative eventually and are biding their time. I mean are they really going to let the daughter they've kept trapped have free will over having a relationship with a guy that might not even live in Durham in a couple of years...?
But all in all I finally told the truth. As people say - 'I'm finally out of the closet' and maybe now I can start living a real life...?
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