Realising reality...

I'm currently taking about 20 minutes out of intense revision mid-finals to write this as a method of catharsis.

So what's up? Well I came home to really concentrate on my revision, heck being at university is just a world of procrastination (and all those who have been there I'm sure you can agree!).  Home, on the other hand, is just a world full of solitary confinement - or is if you're me.  So, there I was, head in my hands going over why oxytocin might or might not be a facilitator for human mating, enhancement of social recognition or inhibition of fear to allow the opposite sex to mount you (pleasant), and why this pair bonding cannot propagate minus the inherent role of the dopaminergic reward system, when I noticed an email.  It was let another listless attempt of the Graduate Recruitment Bureau (GRB) trying to get me to apply for yet another job, another job away from this clapped out region.  And so I looked at the details.  "Good interaction skills? (tick), good interview skills? (tick), analytical thinking (well I did get an A in Critical Thinking AS-so, tick), confidence in stats? (errmmm...well not really-cross), experience in the medical/pharmecutical area (cross)...If you tick all the boxes please send your C.V. to....".  Foiled yet again by the dreaded 'experience'. Thank you again GRB for sending yet another useless advert my way.  But it got me thinking.  I've been part of this website thing for 2 months now and yet have I been advertised a job in the region I actually selected? No.  In fact if I hadn't carelessly ticked every box and ever profession I probably would have been thinking that the GRB hadn't got my email correct despite doing the obligatory 'confirm your email' nonsense.  So it dawns on me, the only real way I'm going to be able to get a good career is by moving.

And here's the complication.  My mother.

She walks by my door and so I shout that I've been looking up a job.  "Oooh" she says, "sounds good, where at?" Me: "London", Her "Oh no you can't go there, you have to stay here, look for jobs around here, it's no good moving, you can't afford it".  And there slams the biggest door in my life.  They always tell you in secondary school etc "Oh you can't drop this subject, you'll be shutting doors". Well, hello big door slam.  Cos in one sentence my mother had completely and firmly closed the case on me actually getting a job, with money, with prospects, with an independent life.  And so I sit here thinking: how people laugh that she has to do my washing when I'm at uni; I get angry that she still gives me 'pocket money' when I've been earning my own money for the last 3 years by going from job to job; that I still need to tell her where I'm going and ask her permission to leave; to come back for meals; to have to rely on her cos she hasn't bothered teaching me the appropriate life skills; that I can't do this cos 'ooohh that's a bad idea' or 'you don't want to do that'. And I just got sick.  I don't want to be told that I can't do this or I can't do that.  I'm actually an adult.  An adult that can drink alcohol, get married, get a tattoo, have a family (if I wished), drive a HGV, a fork lift truck. Anything I wanted I can actually do (weeelll I can't become Prime Minister, but then who would want to become the country's most hated person?).  So why am I still stuck here, living in a 20 minute radius?

Cos of my mother.  Just FML.

Teething problems

See I was going to name this post 'Teething Problems' but I ended up calling the blog it by complete accident.  This is the state I am currently in.  I wanted to call my entire blog 'Turning adult'.    This is because I am 21.  I am graduating in June and everything in my life is yet to be determined.  I figured that writing a blog might be some way of accepting the fact that I am not so young any more and embracing the long adventure and journey I am about to set off on.
However, teething problems might just be more apt for it.
Before I rush into any problems or angsts I may best introduce myself.

I'm 21 (just turned thereof), have a boyfriend (for a year) and studying Psychology as a Bachelor degree.
Thus far on my long road into career-dom, I have worked as a librarian (only 15 years old!!), a cafe assistant serving coffee and tea to students, an office assistant, collating together files for a conference with important documents, a cafe assistant again, making breakfasts and food for the recovering mentally ill, campus tours around my university and college, acting as assistant to the assistant admissions secretary, tutoring sixth form children into pursuing a higher education degree and taking notes for the disabled/those who have difficulty learning.  My work experience is vast and wide and I indeed, as I set out into each and every one of them, have stories to tell.  However, what I want to do for the next 40 years is completely up in the air.

For those who were or are or even those who are reading this before my age, have all been here.  We all wanted to be vets, children's presenters, authors like JK Rowling.  But what are the chances? 1 in a few million I guess.  So what do I want to be?  A teacher (conform to the parents), a novelist (my lifelong dream), a journalist (and pull people's lives apart).  I just don't know.  And this is the main problem I shall be battling with for the next few months.  Well, that is the time frame I shall be hoping for.  I need to put justice to the £24 000 degree I bought into and come to terms with the fact that it won't even give me the First I was aiming for...

So this blog is about battling my teething problems and getting into the adult world.

This is more than teething problems...this is Turning Adult.