Parents.

I'm 22.  I'm slaving at a full time post-graduate certificate of Education.  And I hate my life.

My parents have always been omnipresent in my life.  Now think of that as a God-like quality.  They are always there, they are always influencing me, they are always pressurising me.  But they are never actually there.



At age 6, my mother forced me to do practice SATs papers.  She forced me to learn rather than play.
By secondary school I had no friends because I spent all my time doing homework and never leaving the house.
By 16 I broke free.  I made friends, I dug my heels in the ground and I walked out of this house and found life.
By 18 I had a mild drink problem.  One night of which almost cost me my life.

By university I was a blare of drinking and partying and working.

I burnt the candle at both ends.
I was away from my parents.  But my parents were always there.

By my gap year last year, it was me that elected for so many jobs.  It was me that was happy with my choices even if they were 'dead end'.  But my parents were always there.

And so right now I'm on a course I hate, forced to complete it, forced to do the next year of hell.  And I honestly do hate it.

I'm close to tears.  I'm being hassled when it's my time and I'm trying to relax.  I'm getting texts from my class teacher.  I'm getting emails.  I'm getting pressurised to work within a tight constraint and thus affecting my work.  I'm one of the last people to leave that school on a night.  Getting kicked out by the cleaners.  Having the lights go off on me.  I've stopped eating.  I've stopped drinking.  I've stopped falling so madly in love.  My life is in tatters.

And so today when my parents told me I have to continue and I have to go into this as a career a part of me died because they don't realise.  Not once have they asked how MY day has been.  Not once have they asked me why I'm losing the weight.  Not once have they asked me why I never smile.  While I hurry down my food and go back to my bedroom, how I'm the last one to bed and the first one up.  How I'm constantly up in the middle of the night panicking and feeling physically sick.

Not once have they paid attention to ME.

A pushy parent doesn't always know what's best for their child.  A pushy parent might just push their child over the cliff to never return...